“No one really knows what happiness is.”
Her t-shirt pulled over her head in the bathroom stall in one trained motion, easily navigating awkward corners that would normally prove difficult to avoid in such a restrictive space.
She stared at the overnight bag hanging on the hook. Inside was everything one might need for a morning after a night spent in a strange place. A change of clothes, deodorant, toothbrush and toothpaste.
A light flickered, reflecting the wavering thoughts that raced around her head.
She couldn’t pin down the exact moment that the knot in her stomach from yesterday turned into this brewing storm of mental ambiguity.
You and I, we are so opposite.
The words from last night’s conversation lingered in the air, almost palpable.
She couldn’t remember what had brought about the observation, but something about it didn’t quite taste right. The truth lay in their general outlooks on life and the human race more than anything else.
Every human is fallible. Every single person has a background, a story, a series of events – often wildly out of their control – that has brought them to be who they are today. No matter in what degrees nature or nurture may have shaped them, they are who they are due to a fine mix of history and character.
She hooked her bra together, adjusting it to fit.
Everything should fit. That’s what life is, finding the right fit for the right time in the right places.
Are you happy? It doesn’t seem like it.
More conversation that had followed her out the door. Her happiness had historically been found in many places. In the arms of a lover, in the joys of a new project, in the company of good friends. Lately, her happiness seemed inscrutable.
She was here for the party, as they say.
The experience of something new and interesting, the thrill of the unknown. The excitement that builds as you work your way towards the top of the first drop on a roller coaster. The moment of suspension before the descent.
Where the descent would take her next was less important. It was the apex of the mountain, the climax that concerned her most. The breathless moment of being in the now.
Living outside of boundaries. Forgetting comfort zones. Toeing for the edge, watching the gravel fly into the abyss below. Seeking constant change.
Chancing whether or not one can fly.
She was here for these experiences. The happiness found in the high of discovery.
There are different flavors of happiness. This was the happiness she craved for today.